Journalist @baltimoresun writer artist runner #amwriting Chaplain PIO #partylikeajournalist

Journalist @baltimoresun writer artist runner #amwriting Chaplain PIO #partylikeajournalist
Journalist @baltimoresun writer artist runner #amwriting Md Troopers Assoc #20 & Westminster Md Fire Dept Chaplain PIO #partylikeajournalist
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 01, 2019

Christopher Ingraham – Washington Post: “I ordered a box of crickets…”


Christopher Ingraham – Washington Post: “I ordered a box of crickets…”

This story is too fun: “I ordered a box of crickets from the Internet and it went about as well as you’d expect,” by Christopher Ingraham December 29, 2018 in the Washington Post. Find it here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/12/29/i-ordered-box-crickets-internet-it-went-about-well-youd-expect/?utm_term=.a0a393b763f6 

“For Christmas this year, my family adopted a young bearded dragon lizard as a pet.

“Our dragon, whom we named Holly, eats a lot, and the thing she loves to eat most is crickets (typically about 10 a day, in addition to other things like mealworms and vegetables). From the get-go, I knew that keeping an ample supply of crickets on hand would require some planning. We live in a rural area of northwestern Minnesota. The closest pet shop is an hour away, in North Dakota. Restocking our cricket supply would require a time commitment of at least two hours out and back.

“By Christmas Day this year, Holly’s cricket supply was running low. I decided to order crickets online, which I had never done before, to save a trip to North Dakota. I bought the crickets from Fluker Farms, one of the more well-established online insect vendors (yes, these exist and there are a lot of them). I decided on a shipment of 250 crickets …” Read much more here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2018/12/29/i-ordered-box-crickets-internet-it-went-about-well-youd-expect/?utm_term=.a0a393b763f6 

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Friday, January 22, 2016

You know you're living in the 2000's when:

Living in the 2000s - 
 
March 31st, 2002

1. You have 5 passwords, but can only remember one.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in   a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally insert a "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three   different companies.
9. Your company's welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
10. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
11. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
12. Your biggest loss from a system crash was when you lost all of your   best jokes.
13. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.
14. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
15. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
16. Interviewees, despite not having relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told the starting salary.
17. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
18. Your supervisor gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the latest features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours boots up.
19. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.
20. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department desperately needs, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
21. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers"
AND THE CLINCHERS ARE...  
22. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
23. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends.”
24. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you don't have time to check so you forward it anyway.
25. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.

26. This email has 20 different disclaimer notes at the bottom, telling you that the information is confidential, but you forward anyway. 
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Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/
New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/
Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/ 
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ 
Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art, artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalists and journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maiorem Dei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson: “That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!” - See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf

Sunday, August 16, 2015

Don Surber: Car idiot lights explained


Don Surber: Car idiot lights explained: Via Dave .

Car idiot lights explained - Hat Tip: Don Surber who credits “Dave.” Just saying


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Baltimore Sun Carroll Eagle: 
Tumblr: Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems www.kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/
Kevin Dayhoff is an artist - and a columnist for:
Smurfs: http://babylonfluckjudd.blogspot.com/
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/

E-mail: kevindayhoff(at)gmail.com

My http://www.explorecarroll.com/ columns appear in the copy of the Baltimore Sunday Sun that is distributed in Carroll County: https://subscribe.baltsun.com/Circulation/

See also - Kevin Earl Dayhoff Art www.kevindayhoff.com: Travel, art,artists, authors, books, newspapers, media, writers and writing, journalistsand journalism, reporters and reporting, music, culture, opera... Ad maioremDei gloriam inque hominum salutem. “Deadline U.S.A.” 1952. Ed Hutcheson:“That's the press, baby. The press! And there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing!”- See more at: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/#sthash.4HNLwtfd.dpuf
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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

News Reporter eaten alive


News Reporter eaten alive July 31, 2009 @kevindayhoff http://tinyurl.com/kwyt9q

News Reporter Eaten Alive

July 31, 2009

Update: January 14, 2015: Kevin Earl Dayhoff @kevindayhoff
News reporter eaten alive #partylikeajournalist Breakfasting on the local journalist #eatlikeajournalist https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff



Hat Tip: Gawker A Decade of Truth From the Weekly World News: via my blog at http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/ - or rather Jamie Kelly’s blog at: jamiek


Caption contest: New Reporter eaten alive by 80-foot Dinosaur.

I can immediately come up with several captions, such as – oh, well, ah, nevermind.

How about you?  Any ideas as to a caption for this?


http://twitpic.com/cac9j Caption contest: News Reporter eaten alive http://tinyurl.com/kwyt9q


20090731 sdosm fb twitpic News Reporter eaten alive

*****

Monday, October 27, 2014

A (night) in the life of a night shift nurse | RN Meets World



"A few months ago, Nurse Eye Roll posted a post entitled A Day in the Life of a Nurse (all credit for this idea goes to her). Without further ado, here is the flip side of that, what happens in the wee hours of the night when day shift is off the clock, our patients are all “asleep”, and it’s always 7am somewhere.

Dedicated to all of you hard working night shift nurses who are reading this on your smart phones right now while trying to pass the time."


[...]

seriously
Seriously.
tumblr_m0t6490puZ1r7032do1_250
When my H&H comes back

[...]

tumblr_lzo4jrXjbk1qi2s2g
Patient is finally asleep and I realize I left something in their room

*****

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What is a photocopier? Public records humor? Yep ... watch this video | The Columbus Dispatch

Public records humor? Yep ... watch this video | The Columbus Dispatch: "By: Randy Ludlow
The Columbus Dispatch - April 28, 2014"


Hat Tip: Bryan Sears...


This is hilarious – and true. And, it involves public records, which typically aren't good for many laughs.
A Hollywood writer and movie director has created a new online feature for The New York Times in which he crafts a verbatim video around transcripts from court cases.
The debut video involves an Ohio Supreme Court case in which an incredulous lawyer (David Marburger of Cleveland in real life) questions a Cuyahoga County recorder’s office employee who refuses to concede he knows what a photocopier is. Hilarity ensues.
OMG - you simply must watch this here: http://www.dispatch.com/content/blogs/your-right-to-know/2014/04/photocopier-video.html 

'via Blog this'
 Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/

Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ (http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff

Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/ “Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

Tuesday, April 01, 2014

Stephen Colbert's #CancelColbert response: Comedian responds to backlash to Comedy Central tweet. (Video.)

Stephen Colbert's #CancelColbert response: Comedian responds to backlash to Comedy Central tweet. (Video.) By 

The #CancelColbert push didn't pick up steam until last Thursday, after Stephen Colbert had taped his final show of the week. That means we had to wait for what seemed like forever for the comedian to respond. It was, of course, worth the wait—even if he does lump Slate in with the rest of the "system," something that at first blush I thought was a wee bit unfair to our nuanced and explanatory coverage of the whole thing. (That said, it was hilarious, so I'm happy to largely look the other way.)

Read - and see more:  http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2014/04/01/stephen_colbert_s_cancelcolbert_response_comedian_responds_to_backlash_to.html?wpisrc=newsletter_jcr:content&mc_cid=0dab8107ae&mc_eid=b27361148d 

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Kevin Dayhoff is an artist - and a columnist for:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoffTwitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ = www.newbedfordherald.net

Tumblr: Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems www.kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/
Smurfs: http://babylonfluckjudd.blogspot.com/
Google profile: https://profiles.google.com/kevindayhoff/

E-mail: kevindayhoff(at)gmail.com
My http://www.explorecarroll.com/ columns appear in the copy of the Baltimore Sunday Sun that is distributed in Carroll County: https://subscribe.baltsun.com/Circulation/
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Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Ten top reasons to vote Democrat

Ten top reasons to vote Democrat

LETTERMAN’S TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.


…And the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it's better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don't care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.
*****

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Conservative Acquaintance Annoyingly Not Racist | The Onion - America's Finest News Source:


NEWS IN BRIEFLocal SSUE 50•06 • Feb 11, 2014


"BROOKLYN, NY—Acknowledging that the man’s right-wing views are more nuanced than one might expect, 36-year-old liberal Diana Hardwick confided to reporters Tuesday that her conservative acquaintance Brady Daniels is, quite frustratingly, not racist."







Scribd Kevin Dayhoff: http://www.scribd.com/kdayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff's YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/kevindayhoff
Kevin Dayhoff Banana Stems: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/


Humor, Humor Political, Politics Republican Conservatism,
*****

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Seniors against Obamacare

  
I received my "Obamacare enrollment packet”
2162B3EF60694B039DF1C832F20C0749

I wanted to let you know that earlier today I received my  "Obamacare enrollment packet” from the White House.

It contained:
· An aspirin and a band-aid.
· An 'Obama Hope & Change' bumper sticker
· A 'Bush's Fault' yard sign
· A 'Blame Republicans first, then anybody and everybody'  poster
· A 'Tax the Rich' banner
· An application for unemployment and a free cellphone
· An application for food stamps
· A prayer rug
· A letter assigning my debt to my grandchildren
· And lastly, a coupon for a machine that blows smoke up my ass.

Everything was made in "China" and all directions were in Spanish.
Keep an eye out. Yours should be arriving soon.
*****

Saturday, January 07, 2012

Friday, January 06, 2012

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM - I would have given him 100%

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the  page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a  wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already  built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

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