20000904 Cardboard Clergy

Cardboard Clergy

E-mailed to me September 4th, 2000

Dear Sirs,

We are sure you have come across our extremely successful products. We make cardboard police cars to discourage speeding and cardboard security men to deter shoplifters and other standard lines. Following the success of these, we are pleased to announce the introduction of our latest line in cardboard clergy.

MARK 1

The cardboard Parish Priest is invaluable to the hard-pressed clergy who need a holiday. It is life sized, made to measure and comes in traditional (pre - Vatican 2), progressive, and middle of the road models. It is especially effective when stood in the pulpit or at the lectern.

Field trials have shown that when the cardboard PP is installed without the congregation knowing, 40% of those later questioned had noticed no difference, while 25% thought there had been a considerable improvement. The rest said they had slept through the homily as usual.

MARK 2

The cardboard Bishop will be available soon. It can be placed anywhere in a diocese while the real Bishop is away in Rome or elsewhere at a meeting, or just on holiday. Trial models have been installed here and there for some time with great success, so much so in one case, when the real Bishop returned unexpectedly, there were rumours he had developed powers of bi-location.

Work on the cardboard Canon and Monsignor models has been abandoned since market research demonstrated that no one actually wanted the real thing, so there would be little demand for a cardboard substitute.

However, our cardboard congregation is another matter and is now selling well in view of falling Mass attendance. Its response to homilies is indistinguishable from the real thing and it has the positive advantage that when volunteers are asked for, nobody makes a dash for the door. In some churches there has been a marked improvement in the singing.

We commend our quality products for your consideration and hope we can be of assistance to you and your Parish.

Yours sincerely,

Justin Jest -Managing Director.

####

See other posts on "