Journalist @baltimoresun writer artist runner #amwriting Chaplain PIO #partylikeajournalist

Journalist @baltimoresun writer artist runner #amwriting Chaplain PIO #partylikeajournalist
Journalist @baltimoresun writer artist runner #amwriting Md Troopers Assoc #20 & Westminster Md Fire Dept Chaplain PIO #partylikeajournalist
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Kevin Dayhoff - The Tentacle: Thanksgivings’ Traditions – Past and Present

November 24, 2010

Thanksgivings’ Traditions – Past and Present
Today, historians bicker over when and where the first Thanksgiving took place in America; and pundits opine upon its meaning. According to some, the roots of our American Thanksgiving tradition began when 102 Pilgrims left Plymouth, England, in July 1620 to escape religious persecution.

They came to the New World as illegal immigrants and founded a colony of their own so that they could practice their beliefs without fear of retribution, and to be free to persecute others who don’t believe as they do or speak their language.

But essentially they wanted to practice their religion without government interference, and since the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) did not exist at the time, they were allowed to do so.

Since the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) did not exist at the time, they were able to travel freely without surrendering all their personal freedoms and sense of privacy, or being degraded, humiliated and treated like common criminals simply because they wanted to travel...  http://www.thetentacle.com/ShowArticle.cfm?mydocid=4072

Friday, September 10, 2010

Crayon Burning! An alternative proposed melting pot for America


Crayon Burning! An alternative proposed melting pot for America
ImageThousands of disenchanted terrorists stand silent as they watch an Al Jazeera live broadcast of the small Florida church congregation burning crayons. The whole world takes a big sigh of relief as a big misunderstanding is clarified. It seems that after all, the pastor of the Dove Church in Florida actually said they were going to burn "Crayons". A positive symbolic gesture of diversity is demonstrated as the colors all melt together like the peaceful way Americans live together, reminiscent of the original 'melting pot' of mainly European immigrants that formed the early United States of America. So on 911, if you desire to show your love for all races and tolerance for all peaceful religions living together in harmony, melt crayons together. And think to yourself... More Details...

*****

Thursday, July 08, 2010

The New York Times and the Great Egg Fry Scandal


Hot town, summer in the city! As the mercury rises so does tension and desperation. Hungry for a story, the New York Times dispatched a reporter to fry an egg on the sidewalk. Fun, right? No! Blogs are crying foul.

[...]

It's like the annoying uncle who micromanages a trip to the beach or draws up a careful itinerary that gets handed out as you bounder through the gates of the Magic Kingdom. Of course the Times would bring a stupid frying pan to its whimsical and embarrassingly dated funperiment. Otherwise egg might get on the sidewalk and they'd get in trouble! Oh New York Times, why even try anymore. Just roll over and die, because you are old and never fun anymore.

[...]


*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/ or http://kevindayhoffart.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://kevindayhoffwestgov-net.blogspot.com/ or http://www.westgov.net/ = www.kevindayhoff.org Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ = www.newbedfordherald.net Explore Carroll: www.explorecarroll.com The Tentacle: www.thetentacle.com

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

DHS is watching


DHS is watching me

"When Al Qaeda hits us again - remember that DHS was watching me"

From the album: Wall Photos by Lisa Ferrell Ehlers

20100221 DHS is watching me

*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Explore Carroll: www.explorecarroll.com The Tentacle: www.thetentacle.com

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Questions and Answers for old folks


From the American Association Of Retired People

Questions and Answers from AARP Forum


Q: Where can men over the age
of 60 find younger, sexy
women who are interested
in them?


A: Try a bookstore, under fiction.


Q: What can a man do while his
wife is going through
menopause?


A: Keep busy. If you're handy with
tools, you can finish the basement.
When you're done you'll have a
place to live.


Q: Someone has told me that
menopause is mentioned in
the bible. Is that true?
Where can it be found?


A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
"And Mary rode Joseph's ass
all the way to Egypt ...."


Q: How can you increase the
heart rate of your 60-plus
year old husband?


A: Tell him you're pregnant.


Q: How can you avoid that
terrible curse of the elderly
wrinkles?


A: Take off your glasses.


Q: Seriously! What can I do for these Crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?


A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out.


Q: Why should 60-plus year old people use valet parking?


A: Valets don't forget where they park your car.


Q: Is it common for 60-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?


A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.


Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?


A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.


Q: Where should 60-plus year olds look for eye glasses?


A: On their foreheads.


Q: What is the most common remark made by 60-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?


A: "Gosh, I remember these!"


SMILE, You've still got your sense of humor, RIGHT?

*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/ or http://kevindayhoffart.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://kevindayhoffwestgov-net.blogspot.com/ or http://www.westgov.net/ = www.kevindayhoff.org Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ = www.newbedfordherald.net Explore Carroll: www.explorecarroll.com The Tentacle: www.thetentacle.com

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Maxine's View On Health Care Reform

Maxine's View On Health Care Reform:

Let me get this straight......we're trying to pass a health care plan written by a committee whose chairman says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it, to be signed by a president that also is exempt from it and hasn't read it and who smokes, with funding administered by a treasury chief who didn't pay his taxes, all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that's broke.

What the hell could possibly go wrong?

20100307 sdosm Maxines View On Health Care: Medicine Health Care Reform http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/303882.html

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2010/03/maxines-view-on-health-care.html http://tinyurl.com/yej96vj

*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/ or http://kevindayhoffart.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://kevindayhoffwestgov-net.blogspot.com/ or http://www.westgov.net/ = www.kevindayhoff.org Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ = www.newbedfordherald.net Explore Carroll: www.explorecarroll.com The Tentacle: www.thetentacle.com

Friday, March 05, 2010

The snow plow

The snow plow http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/302692.html

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in Westminster, MD were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 16-20 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 18 to 24 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting24 to 30 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

Then with the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time."

Hat Tip Stinger DJ Dennis Stem and Bob Ruby

20100305 The snow plow Humor, Humor blondes, Weather Winter Snow, Westminster PW Street Dept

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2010/03/snow-plow.html

*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/ or http://kevindayhoffart.com/ = http://www.kevindayhoff.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://kevindayhoffwestgov-net.blogspot.com/ or http://www.westgov.net/ = www.kevindayhoff.org Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/ = www.newbedfordherald.net Explore Carroll: www.explorecarroll.com The Tentacle: www.thetentacle.com

Monday, January 18, 2010

Carroll County Times News Update: NFL Playoffs: Jets Upset Colts

NFL Playoffs: Jets Upset Colts, Vikings take care of Cowboys Posted 9:15 p.m.

San Diego – Maybe Rex Ryan already knows the score of the AFC championship game, too.

I was fortunate enough to pull this screen grab off the Carroll County Times web site minutes after the Times’ staff discovered it and minutes before they pulled it.

Off course I have never-ever made a mistake in my copy. Well, maybe not. My favorite was the time I wrote Paul of Taurus – err, um, instead of Paul of Tarsus…

Anyway, it seems that right after the Times’ staff discovered it, they decided to have some fun with it just before they pulled it.

Too funny. I happen to like folks who can roll with it. For those who are not aware, the Carroll County Times has one of the best sports departments and sports reporters in the Mid-Atlantic region… Bookmark and check it out: http://www.carrollcountytimes.com/sports/

However, as good as its sports reporters are; I am not under the impression that they can see into the future. Or maybe they can?

Of course, they could always use a few more semi-colons…

The Carroll County Times does a really good job of posting news updates on their site frequently during the day. It is really smart web management on their part.

I’d love to know the rest of the story as to the news feed with the incorrect headline…

Apparently, it was also linked to a news story with the incorrect headline also. But I wasn’t quick enough to grab it.

Meanwhile we certainly hope they kept the headline copy available for next week’s Jets versus the Colts game. I sure do not want the Colts to win and would love to see the Jets do it again; as they did when they beat the Colts 29-15 on Sunday, December 27, 2009…

If you will recall, that was the game when the headline from an AP article said it all, “Caldwell pulls starters in third with 5-point lead; Jets rally for win.” http://espn.go.com/nfl/recap?gameId=291227011; when “The first-year coach (Jim Caldwell) pulled Manning & Co. with a 15-10 lead and 5:36 left in the third quarter.”

The upset spoiled the chances of the Colts from having a perfect season, and ended “the Colts' pursuit of perfection and their NFL-record 23-game winning streak with a 29-15 victory that had fans serenading Lucas Oil Stadium with boos and Manning, the three-time MVP, offering support for his coach's decision.”

The “Fast Facts” in the article explained:

“Peyton Manning was removed from the lineup in the third quarter with the Colts up 15-10. The Jets then scored 19 unanswered points to snap the Colts' 23-game regular season win streak.

“The Colts had fewer than 100 rushing yards for the fourth straight game; they have failed to reach the mark in 12 of 15 games this season.

“Peyton Manning (14 for 21, 192 yards) became the fourth player in NFL history with 50,000 passing yards for his career.”


Whatever. We should have been so lucky as to have had such a disappointment here in Baltimore with the Ravens.

[20100117 CCT News Update Jets Upset Colts] Humor, Journalists sports, Newspapers, Newspapers Carroll County Times, Sports, Sports Football NFL

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2010/01/carroll-county-times-news-update-nfl.html http://tinyurl.com/yeoqonu http://twitpic.com/ymcz2

Carroll County Times News Update: NFL Playoffs: Jets Upset Colts
http://tinyurl.com/yeoqonu #sports #NFL http://twitpic.com/ymcz2 http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/340465840/carroll-county-times-news-update-nfl-playoffs

*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

To My Darling Husband, I had a small accident with your pickup

--To My Darling Husband,

Before you return from your business trip, I just want you to know about the small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife.
XOXOXOXOXO

P.S. Your Girlfriend Called.


[20100112 sdsom Small accident with your PU]

Click here for a larger image: or here: http://twitpic.com/xtvoa http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/331034772/to-my-loving-husband-your-girlfriend-called-and-i

20100112 sdsom Small accident with your PU

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2010/01/to-my-darling-husband-i-had-small.html http://tinyurl.com/y8ayltw

To my loving husband Your girlfriend called and I had a small accident with your pickup http://tinyurl.com/y8ayltw http://twitpic.com/xtvoa http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/331034772/to-my-loving-husband-your-girlfriend-called-and-i

*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Police Harassment edition of Community Policing

The Police Harassment edition of Community Policing

http://tinyurl.com/ybflvap http://twitpic.com/u7etr http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/290554431/the-police-harassment-edition-of-community

Click here for a larger image: http://twitpic.com/u7etr or here: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/290554431/the-police-harassment-edition-of-community

(I received this in an e-mail from a reliable source. Yet, nevertheless, I did go about attempting to verify it in anyway. If the e-mail is not real, then it needs to be…)

Shhh...Special Insider Stuff.

Police Harassment

Recently, the Chula Vista Police Department ran an e-mail forum (a question and answer exchange) with the topic being, "Community Policing."

One of the civilian email participants posed the following question, "I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"

From the "other side" (the law enforcement side) Sgt. Bennett, obviously a cop with a sense of humor replied:

"First of all, let me tell you this...it's not easy. In Chula Vista, we average one cop for every 600 people. Only about 60% of those cops are on general duty (or what you might refer to as "patrol") where we do most of our harassing.

The rest are in non-harassing departments that do not allow them contact with the day to day innocents. And at any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60% patrollers are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty. So roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 5,000 residents.

When you toss in the commercial business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 10,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds long. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and then only three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND then find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to this challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those people which we can realistically harass.

The tools available to us are as follows:

PHONE: ... People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment.

Another popular one is, "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.

CARS: ... We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or no driver's licenses and the like. It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk, or have an outstanding warrant on file.

RUNNERS: ... Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours.

STATUTES: ... When we don't have PHONES or CARS and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "Statutes"; Criminal Codes, Motor Vehicle Codes, etc... They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people.

After you read the statute, you can just drive around for awhile until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, there's this book we have that says that's not allowed. That meant I got permission to harass this guy. It is a really cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well.

We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because for the good citizens who pay the tab, we try to keep the streets safe for them, and they pay us to "harass" some people.

Next time you are in my town, give me the old "single finger wave." That's another one of those codes. It means, "You can harass me. "It's one of our favorites..

20091229 sdosm The Police Harassment portion of Community Policing , , ,

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2009/12/police-harassment-edition-of-community.html http://tinyurl.com/ybflvap http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/290554431/the-police-harassment-edition-of-community

*****
Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/

Monday, December 07, 2009

Women waiting for the perfect man


Women waiting for the perfect man. http://tinyurl.com/yax7vsl

Click here for a larger image: http://twitpic.com/sir0o or here: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/273054352/women-waiting-for-the-perfect-man

[20020725 Women waiting for the perfect man.] Humor, Men and women
sdosm 20091207 http://kevindayhoffart.blogspot.com/2009/12/women-waiting-for-perfect-man.html http://tinyurl.com/yax7vsl

See also: http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2009/12/marry-ag-engineer-for-best-chance-of.html http://tinyurl.com/yzudh6d

Marry an ag engineer for best chance of avoiding divorce http://tinyurl.com/yzudh6d or an artist - we’re so stable

Those who are wishing to read the tea-leaves and gain some analysis as to whom to marry for the best chances of matrimonial bliss.

An article in the Telegraph, 'Marry an agricultural engineer for best chance of avoiding the divorce courts,' highlights the results of a study which indicates “Vets, agricultural engineers and teachers are all less likely to divorce than dancers, bartenders and nurses, according to research which claims your job is key to a happy marriage.”


*****
Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/

Monday, November 30, 2009

What Women Really Want For Christmas

Culture Buzz A garden centre in the UK is apologizing for publishing this advertisement….

OMG – Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Hey, I think that if I got that for my wife for Christmas, even my kind, friendly and always understanding wife would promptly place the clothesline where the sun does not shine.

Although, once, I did ask her if I could get her a chainsaw for Christmas. I did not ask twice.

Hat Tip: http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/what-women-really-want-for-christmas Which credits: Link: 3.bp.blogspot.com


*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/

I have no idea what you’re talking about

I have no idea what you’re talking about… so here’s a bunny with a pancake on its head.

Click here for a larger image: http://twitpic.com/rka2a or here: http://kevindayhoff.tumblr.com/post/263211188/i-have-no-idea-what-youre-talking-about-so

[20091119 pancakebunny] Animals rabbits, Food, Humor, Humor animals

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2009/11/i-have-no-idea-what-youre-talking-about.html http://tinyurl.com/yhx2v54

Hat Tip: MJD’s FB page

*****

Kevin Dayhoff Soundtrack: http://www.kevindayhoff.net/ Kevin Dayhoff Art: http://www.kevindayhoffart.com/ Kevin Dayhoff Westminster: http://www.westgov.net/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/kevindayhoff Twitpic: http://twitpic.com/photos/kevindayhoff Kevin Dayhoff's The New Bedford Herald: http://kbetrue.livejournal.com/