Dayhoff Westminster Soundtrack: Patriot Act

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Thursday, January 15, 2015

Ordering a Pizza in 2012

Ordering a Pizza in 2012

http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2015/01/ordering-pizza-in-2012.html

February 1, 2004

(Note January 15, 2015 – I found this essay about ordering a pizza in the year 2012 the other day deep in my electronic archives. I had retrieved it on February 1, 2004. I did not write it. If you wrote it – let me know so that I may give credit to the rightful writer-owner. Then I was doing some research on the Patriot Act and I came across this image – and it made me smile - - and I thought the essay about ordering a pizza and the cartoon image about the Patriot Act easily went together….Just saying.)

Of course, as a journalist, I do have moments in which I stare at the wall and wonder… See: “Defiant on Witness Stand, Times Reporter Says Little,” By MATT APUZZOJAN. 5, 2015 http://kevindayhoff.blogspot.com/2015/01/nyt-defiant-on-witness-stand-times.html

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4 more years of peace through power and a strong yet somehow "funky" economy and the following may be true in 2008, not 2012

IT MAY BE COMING TO THIS BEFORE 2012

Subject: Ordering a Pizza in 2012

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to order."

Operator: "May I have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the system, sir."

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas..."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "Damn. What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it"

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then. What's the damage?"

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes $49.99."

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn."

Customer: "Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "How the hell do you know I'm riding a bike?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just assumed that you'd be using it."

Customer: "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop."

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget the two free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics."

200401 Ordering a Pizza in 2012

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