20051123 Happy Thanksgiving WE

Happy Thanksgiving WE

Westminster Eagle

“Happy Thanksgiving”

November 23, 2005 by Kevin Dayhoff (619 words)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Please celebrate this holiday as quickly as possible before the ACLU finds out that it is an historic American event steeped in wholesome family values and files suit.

This Thanksgiving we have many things for which to be thankful. As with any holiday season, there are always the occasional anxieties and mishaps. Above and beyond the fact that this is the first Thanksgiving Martha Stewart is out of the big house and I for one, am quite concerned that she will show up for Thanksgiving dinner; this past week was long and tough.

Always wanting to be a gracious host and in honor of Ms. Stewart, I stayed up all night with Westminster Eagle editor Jim Joyner and Eagle reporter Heidi Schroeder and printed this edition of The Westminster Eagle on hand made paper. For ink, we used a mixture of white grapes and blackberries, which we picked and crushed last week just for fun.

Celebrating the beginning of the holiday season, I retrieved all the Christmas and Thanksgiving decorations out of the attic and set them in the front yard. I found a great old Santa Claus from the early 1900s, and promptly staked it prominently in the front yard.

I decided to set out paper bag luminaries in homage to Ms. Stewart. While testing the luminaries, the gosh darn lunch bag went up in flames; set fire to the leaves and torched Santa Claus. You’ll read all about it tomorrow in the newspaper: “Artist, formerly known as Mayor Burns Santa Claus At The Stake – Local Officials Outraged.”

Then I wanted to go cut a fresh Christmas tree. My old trusty chainsaw needs replacing and since it was my wife’s birthday last week, I decided to get her a chainsaw for her birthday. That’s when I found out that Maryland is considering a seven day waiting period on the purchase of a chainsaw. When I finally got to the Christmas tree lot – I was dismayed to find local environmentalists were protesting the cutting of Christmas trees this year.

Afterwards, in honor of Ms. Stewart, I traveled through town, (protected by a Salad Shooter and a big bag of hard carrots) and re-arranged the recyclables in everyone’s recycling bin. I arranged them in alphabetical order and according to the color of the front porch.

Speaking of carrots, for unknown reasons, squash is served in many households on Thanksgiving. As much as I like vegetables, one food that does not exist on the Dayhoff’s Nutrition Pyramid (DNP) is squash. God created the squash as a joke. The word “squash” is Native-American for “mud disguised as plant.” Numerous attempts to improve the mud-like taste and texture of squash with herbs and spices manage to get squash to taste like seasoned and spiced mud. Just say so no to squash.

On a serious note - Let our Thanksgiving be revealed in the compassionate support our community renders to fellow citizens who are less fortunate. As we begin the holiday season, let us reach out with care to those in need of food, shelter, and words of hope. May we remember our men and women in uniform, who are in harm’s way, defending our freedom to enjoy this great country and a safe holiday. As we gather with our families over a Thanksgiving meal, may we ask that we be given patience, resolve, and wisdom in all that lies ahead for our great nation.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, shop ‘till you drop and be ever thankful that we can laugh, enjoy our families, revel in our freedoms, celebrate our great community and be stronger because of our differences. From our house to yours: Happy halidaze!

You can have my squash.

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster. E-mail him at: kdayhoff@carr.org
####