20060517 KDDC Jeff Graham and the Power of Friendships

Jeff Graham and the Power of Friendships

May 17th, 2006

My latest column in the Westminster Eagle has been posted.

Kevin E. Dayhoff Wednesday, May 17 Local ride in memory of Jeff Graham celebrates the power of friendships or you may find it here.

The Westminster Eagle does not use permalinks. So, if you are reading this post after about a week or so – you will have to go to: Local news archives to find it in archives. Click on the radio button next to my name and adjust the date span search…

Meanwhile, pasted below is the unedited, album cut version of the same column. Please enjoy.

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Much has been written about the value of friends in our lives. The concept of friendships has been the source of everything from the whimsical, to novels and movies, and serious scientific studies.

This Sunday, folks from the greater Carroll County community will come together to celebrate friendships at the “Jeff Graham Memorial Ride and Picnic.”

Last September 14, 2005, Carroll County lost a good friend when Jeff Graham lost his life in Delaware, while doing one of the things he loved best, riding his motorcycle, “Casey,” with friends.

Some of the community knew Jeff as the husband of local businesswoman and community leader, Lori Welsh-Graham, a co-owner of Stewart N. Dutterer Flower Shop Inc. of Westminster.

The flower shop, a Westminster business fixture since 1919, has decorated for the inaugurations for presidents George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush. However, you would never know that by spending time with Jeff. Being pretentious was not his style.

Others knew him as a master automotive technician for International Foreign Car Service Inc. in Westminster.

Graduates of Westminster High School class of 1980 knew him as a classmate.

Some knew him as Fluffy and Murphy Graham’s best friend.

Celebrants of St. John Catholic Church in Westminster knew him as a member of the church.

Others knew him from his love of restoring and fixing automobiles and vintage Victorian homes.

However, everyone who had the honor of spending time with Jeff knew him as a soft-spoken, quick witted, big huggable, teddy bear of a guy and a committed friend.

In memory of the life and work of Jeff and in honor of his committed friend, Steve Shatzer, a retired Westminster Police officer, this Sunday there will be a motorcycle ride and picnic in Jeff’s memory and to benefit a foundation started as a legacy to Jeff.

His wife, Lori, to whom he was married for 23 years, recently shared that the foundation called “The NightTrain Foundation,” was named after the model of Harley that Jeff rode. The NightTrain Foundation is a fund within the Community Foundation of Carroll County.

“In (the foundation’s) mission statement it refers to mentoring young people to strive at what they do and to always lead by example. And to make time for friends. I feel that Jeff and Steve both have and are doing just that. The scholarships go to young people interested in Automotive/Motorcycle Mechanics and Law Enforcement,” she elaborated.

The purpose statement describing the foundation states, “A key element of the Foundation is to commit funds for programs with children in mind. Consideration will be given to Shop with a Cop, the Literacy Council, COPS: Concerns of Police Survivors and other funds as deemed by the advisors.”

Of both Steve Shatzer and Jeff, the foundation statement wrote, “It was/is the goal of each of these men to always do the best in his career and to encourage others, especially youth to do the same. They are both good examples of the importance of honesty, hard work and friendship.”

“The Foundation is in memory of Jeff but more so, it is in honor of true friendships,” wrote Lori.

Everyone has their own concept of what is a good friend. Although everyone’s version is different, one thing for certain, most folks place a high value on our friendships.

For the luckiest among us, especially me, our spouses are our best friends.

No matter what your version of friendship is, there is no disagreement that friends give us a sense of belonging to a bigger picture and contribute to our satisfaction with life and our sense of self-worth.
Friends are often the folks with whom we like to spend time doing things together and sharing life experiences. Friends are people we trust. They are folks in whom we confide and believe will always act in our best interests.
Friends are travelers along the voyage of life, whom we respect. Folks in whom it is easy to agree and most importantly disagree and easily respect their right to their opinion.
Friends are always there for you. They are the special folks in our lives in which we enjoy aiding in their accomplishments are supportive in your own endeavors. They are the folks we like to help and enjoy letting them help us.

Recently a memorial plaque in Jeff’s honor was dedicated at Panera Bread. Many friends, including Sam Greenholtz and Pastor Richard Krebs attended.

Former Westminster Common Council Member Sam Greenholtz said in a recent e-mail, “… I really think that you should mention Mark Bomse, Vice President of Greenberg Commercial for donating the space in front of Panera Bread and for providing the monument honoring Jeff. This is something they do in the communities they serve.

“They recognize prominent deceased community leaders by placing these monuments throughout the property. Mark worked through the GWDC (Greater Westminster Development Corporation) to get this accomplished and we look forward to Greenberg providing more as time goes on - although we are in no hurry to find people to honor if you know what I mean.”

Westminster Police Chief Jeff Spaulding shared a few words at the dedication on behalf of the City of Westminster.

In preparing his remarks, Chief Spaulding took the opportunity to speak with many of Jeff’s friends. What he found was why Jeff is such a study in everything a person would want in a friend: Quiet and supportive; quick witted; a keen sense of humor; a big kid at heart:

“Quiet and supportive – Jeff didn’t like to be the center of attention, but was very comfortable… quietly supporting (his wife, Lori’s) efforts to improve our community and make Westminster a better place to live and work. He did the same for all of his friends – if you needed Jeff, he was there to help at any time and in any way he could.

“Jeff had a keen sense of humor that was often 2-steps ahead of his “victims”. There was frequently a little gleam in his eye that reminded you that he was quietly scheming to get you. As Steve Shatzer put it, ‘it would sometimes take me a minute or two to figure our he got me.’

“‘A big kid at heart’ - Jeff loved to have a good time and he greatly enjoyed the simple things in life – such as taking a motorcycle ride with a group of friends to get some ice cream on a warm summer evening. He also enjoyed greatly spending time with kids – typically children of friends such as Tyler Plank and Garrett Wimmer. Jeff helped Tyler get into dirt bike and go-cart racing, and was apparently so successful that Tyler once told his dad that he was firing him and hiring Jeff as his coach and surrogate father. As Willy Plank told me, ‘for a fellow with no kids, he had a lot of kids.’

Chief Spaulding concluded his remarks by saying what we can only hope that our friends would say about us:

“The phrase I heard repeated time after time was “Committed friend” – … once (Jeff) was your friend he was a friend for life. There wasn’t anything that Jeff wouldn’t do for you or your family. This is clearly Jeff’s legacy and our reason for gathering today - to take a moment and celebrate just how much Jeff touched so many of us in his quiet but positive way.

“And this legacy clearly extends to Lori - and to their entire extended family. The Dutterers have been committed friends to the Police Department and the greater Westminster community for decades – never failing to do what is necessary and appropriate to improve the quality of life for our community.

“It is said that “a good friend is hard to find, difficult to lose and impossible to forget”. This garden will serve as a consistent reminder of Jeff’s legacy of friendship, dedication and self-less service to those gathered here today - and through his extended family - the larger Westminster Community.”

Murphy Graham said that Jeff was “a loyal friend, who was always there for me.”

Tony Ott, who helped map out this Sunday’s motorcycle ride, said Jeff “was a good guy and good friend… He loved to ride motorcycles and this (Sunday’s) ride is a celebration of friendship and Jeff’s life by folks whose lives he touched.”

The Memorial Ride on May 21 will take off at 1PM from Westminster Crossing (Bed, Bath and Beyond Center) and tour covered bridges in Frederick and York Counties. At 4 p.m., there will be a picnic in Dutterer Family Park with Food and Fun for all.

“I really hope the events and scholarships that are given by the foundation celebrate Jeff's love for his work, love for his adopted kids and love for his family and friends,” emphasized Lori.

Jeff’s sister-in-law, Jalna Brown has been helping to organize the day. If you would like more information about celebrating friendships with Jeff’s friends this Sunday, contact Jalna Brown at Dutterer Florist at (410) 848-9350. If you would like to make a contribution to the NightTrain Foundation, you can get in touch with either Ms. Brown or contact the Community Foundation of Carroll County at (410) 876-5505.

To paraphrase Chief Spaulding, who said it best, the greater Westminster community owes Jeff and Lori Graham thanks “for their ongoing stewardship of the spirit of “community” and “friendship” that make Westminster such a special place to live and work.”

Kevin Dayhoff writes from Westminster Maryland USA.
E-mail him at: kdayhoff@carr.org
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