20061115 There is always plenty to laugh about

There is always plenty to laugh about

November 15^th, 2006

The only alternative is to cry…

Hat Tip: Mrs. Owl

No matter Republican or Democrat, now that elections are over, the late night talk show hosts can always find humor in politics.

From Daniel Kurtzman,

Your Guide to Political Humor.

"This week, on Tuesday night, in an ironic turnaround, Iraq brought regime change to the U.S." --Amy Poehler

"President Bush held a news conference where he vowed to work with the new Democratic majority, which, if true, can mean only one thing: the Democrats have a nuclear bomb." --Amy Poehler

"What a day for the Democrats. They've won the House of Representatives, they are poised to take the Senate as well, Donald Rumsfeld has resigned, and this just in, Dick Cheney came out as gay." --Jon Stewart

"Even though the Republican lost big on Tuesday, they've been busy all day in Washington. They’ve been spending all day packing up their bribe money." –David Letterman

"Dennis Hastert is no longer Speaker of the House. Don't worry about Dennis. He's going to be the new before-guy for Jenny Craig." –David Letterman

"The new Speaker of the House is Nancy Pelosi. She had lunch today with President Bush, but the lunch honestly did not go well. She would not pass him anything he asked for." –David Letterman

"It's ironic because Republicans always wanted to appeal to minorities. Now they are one." --Jay Leno

"It has not been a good week for the Republicans. This election was kind of like a bad divorce –- they got rejected, insulted, and lost the House." –Jay Leno

"Here in California, the voters overwhelmingly decided they do not want Arnold Schwarzenegger to ever make another movie." --Jay Leno

"The only Republican now with a mandate is Congressman Mark Foley." --Jay Leno

"There were many reports of problems with the voting machines yesterday, especially with touch-screen voting machines. In fact, in Congressman Mark Foley's district, some of the machines were touched inappropriately." --Conan O'Brien

"Big, big win for the Democrats. Senator Hillary Clinton's overwhelming victory has fueled speculation that she will run for president in 2008. In other words, there was some good news for Republicans." --Conan O'Brien

"Today in Florida, on the last day of campaigning, a Republican politician refused to appear in public with President Bush because the president is so unpopular. And it's worse than it sounds, because the politician was former Congressman Mark Foley." --Conan O'Brien

"They say they don't need to rely on any last minute surprises, since their Republican base is still very strong, very active, and they still have all the voting machines rigged." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Democrats are favored to win most races. As a matter of fact, the only Republican in Washington whose seat is safe is Lincoln." --David Letterman

"During the election, do you know what Vice President Dick Cheney will be doing? He's going spend the day hunting at his lodge in South Dakota. That's the one place you want to be if the Republicans lose -- Cheney with a gun." --Jay Leno

"President Bush warned Democrats not to celebrate too early. This is from the guy who put up the 'Mission Accomplished' sign three years ago." --Jay Leno

"How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in." --David Letterman

"Senator John Kerry gave his opponents in the struggling Republican Party a much needed distraction when he told a college audience on Monday that if you don't do well in school, you might get stuck in Iraq. Some people are taking that as a slam against our troops. Kerry says it was a botched joke about the president being dumb. It doesn't bode well when you try to make a joke about someone being dumb and you wind up looking even dumber." --Jimmy Kimmel

"It's interesting. The president's approval rating is at an all-time low, North Korea's setting off bombs, Iraq is a mess, the Foley scandal keeps getting worst. Even the Democrats might not be able to blow this election." --Jay Leno

"The election is three weeks away and there are rumors the Republicans are getting ready for an election night disaster, which would be a first -- a disaster they were actually prepared for." --Bill Maher

"Tuesday is Election Day. ... In California, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is so confident of being re-elected that he's groping women again." --David Letterman

"This is a bleak time for the Republican Party. You know you have trouble when the least embarrassing guy in your group is Arnold Schwarzenegger." --Jimmy Kimmel

####