Few people realize the peril of the deadly pickle. Consider:
99.9% of all folks who die of a heart attack have eaten pickles;
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99.7% of all those involved in air, auto, boat and bike accidents ate pickles in the preceding 21 days;
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nearly all sick people have eaten pickles;
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among all people born in 1870, who later ate pickles, there has been nearly 100% mortality.
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We simply must do something about this deadly scourge. Write your congress member today. Please tell him or her that enough is enough! Outlaw pickles today! Or at least place a seven-day waiting period on the purchase and possession of a pickle for domestic consumption. It is the least that we can do! Pickle peril must stop now! It must stop with us! It is our civic, human, ethical and moral responsibility.
20011123 Pickle Peril
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